Why Working Out Doesn’t Work Out

I have really good intentions when it comes to exercise—loads of them, really. I read all the yahoo and msn articles about working out. I glance at Shape Magazine at least once or twice before buying a home decorating magazine at the newsstands. I watch Judy Greer's Reluctantly Healthy. The problem is I rarely see results from exercise, and I put a lot of time into it.

Routine

1. Search for work out motivation: 3 hours each day (or at least it flits through my mind every day over the course of 3 or 4 hours)
   
2. Change into work out clothing: 1 minute to an hour (depending on whether or not I get lost along the way)
   
3. Realization that I don't really fit into my work out clothing: 20 minutes of solid depression
   
4. Stretching in preparation to work out: 3-5 seconds
   
5. Walk to the refrigerator to get water: 2 minutes or more if I'm distracted (hydration is very important, so this is time well spent)
   
6. Proper positioning for crunches: 1 minute (it takes a little effort to get me down on the ground these days)
   
7. Getting up to find iPod: 10 minutes (it takes even longer to get up)
   
8. Repositioning for crunches: 4 minutes (because I've already broken a sweat looking for iPod)
   
9. Doing crunches: 30 seconds (I like to get at least 5 crunches fully completed)
   
10. Water break: 2 minutes (again, it's important to hydrate)
    
11. Cool down: 5 minutes prone on the floor (I don't want to unduly strain anything)
    
12. Wondering if I've worked out enough to justify the pita chips in the bag I can see on the counter: 5-10 seconds (I'm a decision-maker)
    

So, you see, I don't think it's my routine. My routine is sound. I'm just not getting anywhere. Huh.