Monday, August 16, 2010

Hollywood Conversation

Kate: Why aren't you taking Michael to the premiere?

Sadie: We aren't believable as a couple.

Kate: But you are a couple.

Sadie: Yes, but the public doesn't like us as a couple. They haven't bought into our love story.

Kate: We're still talking about your real life, and not the show, right?

Sadie: Of course.

Kate: I see. So, how does Daniel fit into this?

Sadie: He's going to be my premiere and events boyfriend.

Kate: As opposed to your actual boyfriend?

Sadie: Right. People are really into us as a couple.

Kate: But you aren't a couple.

Sadie: True. But our believability rating is much higher.

Kate: Believability rating?

Sadie: It's a "must consult". If you don't look sincere, you have nothing.

Kate: (…)


There is a very small pool of single, straight, employed men who shower in Los Angeles. Getting two of them to cover your public and private bases (euphemism both intended and not) does not seem particularly fair.

Plus, I'm suspicious when a man answers, "Sort of" to the "Are you single?" question. Are you telling me that "some days" is now a completely legitimate response? Or are these men automatically off limits not just because they are dodgy, but also because somewhere there will be a publicist ready to cut me if I somehow disrupt someone's believability index?

As an aside, "I'm just there to work her carpet" sounds obscene and very nearly slap-with-a-hint-of-flounce worthy.

"Truthiness": it's not just for Washington anymore.


Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Facebook Can Be Your Best Friend

Facebook can often be a curse. There is no doubt about that. When you wake up on your way-over-25th birthday to see a friend recommendation of your ex's new wife, you curse it. When you are approached by junior high school people who tell you that they never really liked you, you will at least consider deleting your account. When you realize that you can't curse your job, boss, friends or hobbies on it without compromising all those things, you might wonder what the point of it all is.

Apparently, the point is: pay attention to photos of your current husband marrying another woman at Disney that her friend helpfully posted on Facebook.

I'm not kidding. Check out this article from, and you'll see the usefulness of this social detecting tool:

I feel for this woman. I really do. It's bad enough that he cheated on her, but to find out that he has married again and that your original marriage might not be entirely legal (leaving you no easy legal recourse) has got to be agonizing. That he then comes back to take the kids—unforgiveable. He is the bad guy. No doubt about it. I do believe there are circles in hell specifically designed for this waste of space (and not just Circle 2 wussy wind thing—I'm thinking Circle 8 has demons lining up for this guy).

But she also made a classic error—she listened to his ridiculous tale of woe and took him back after he supposedly left the second wife.

Ladies, let her horrible situation be a very important lesson to you.

I understand you had a life and children together that you cannot just ignore.

I understand that you loved him and trusted him at one point.

I understand that you want to be the bigger person.

I understand that he promised to change and take your needs into consideration.

I understand that you may have believed him when he made the other, theoretically ex, woman into the bad guy (let me guess—he called her "crazy", "unstable", "demanding", "still in Disney therefore I'm not getting enough attention"…).

I understand that you want to believe him.

I also understand that he is playing you. He is always playing you. You are not the exception. You are the rule.

It's not that I don't understand someone making a mistake and repenting. Mistakes happen. That's why diamonds were invented. Another life with a second woman in another city is not a mistake; it is a character flaw that you will never fix.

Please learn from this poor woman—do not go back.

And always, always check for pictures!


(finding being single far preferable to lying liars who lie!)