Wednesday, October 29, 2008

That Ad Says What?

I’m not a big fan of adultery. Don’t believe me?

My friend Pen was having a bit of a sleep, and the dream that filtered through was of Pen having (no doubt) deep and meaningful conversation with a certain married actor. Apparently, this moment of great intellectual discourse with the man who once played someone tall, dark and spooky became… um… romantic. But just as she was moving from osculating to something a bit more horizontal, she stopped. And she told him “no, I can’t.” Why? She claims to have heard a little voice in her head saying “this is wrong—he’s married”. That’s right. She heard me. From that day on, she has referred to me as “Kate, the Fantasy Killer”. It’s a moniker I take great pride in, mostly because I like to be difficult (t-shirts will be available in the lobby). For some reason, she was slightly less amused that I’m moralizing in her dreams, but hey… we’ve all got a calling.

Anyway, with certain exceptions (and I’m betting some of you can figure out what those are), I’m not someone who is going to enable that kind of extracurricular activity. So, imagine my shock when I saw this ad running on my blog about the lovely and talented Bonnie Hunt, courtesy of Google:

Nice. How about an ad that says:

  • “Married, but feel unfulfilled—talk to your spouse”

  • “Married, but feel unfulfilled because you are a selfish bastard”

  • “Married, but think the world is yours to screw with because you’re completely entitled to be the center of the universe”

  • “Married, but you don’t think the rules apply to you”

  • “Married, but took those vows to be more like helpful suggestions than anything truly binding”

  • “Married, but because she’s working, taking care of the kids and the house, she didn’t spend enough time oooh and ahhhhing over your stupid court case-- so you think it’s ok to hook up with someone who will be more suitably impressed with you?”

  • “Married, but like the idea of splitting everything you own because you live in a community property state”

  • “Married, but miss the possibility of catching an STD that makes your dick shrivel”

  • “Married, but your picture of your life always involved someone much younger and blonde, and what the heck, you’ve earned her”

  • “Married, but getting a promotion, and your current wife doesn’t match your new office”

Kate, The Fantasy Killer (and just slightly disgusted)

Monday, October 27, 2008

Bonnie Hunt Show

Bonnie did a recent segment on her new talk show where she was reunited with an old crush. Apparently, she had been talking on the show about a man she used to see in the old neighborhood. Her producers were let loose (those rapscallions!), and they end up reuniting her not just with the old crush, but all the guys in that crew on the show.

The experience was so great for her, that she has decided that she wants to do it for viewers. If you have an old crush, old flame, old casual object of daydreaming desire, she would like you to write in to her show at and give her the details.

Wow. Hands up if you think I could really get myself into trouble with this. I mean, what if I said I had a crush as a younger woman on … um… George Clooney. ;) She never specified that it had to be a person with whom I spent significant time. It’s not like he and I haven’t had some interaction. I spent some long shooting days on the same set as the delightful Mr. Duchovny. Does that count? I took Pen to see Alex O’Loughlin at Paley, so technically I spent several hours with him, too. Also, I have spent countless hours watching the work of these fine men. It just seems wrong to discount all of those positive memories in favor of a technicality.

Now if you want to be a stickler for the rules (whatever), I’m not sure who I would pick. I’m fairly certain it would be a bad idea to select any of my actual ex-boyfriends—either because there were excellent reasons to get the hell away from them, or because they have since married (and wives just don’t seem to embrace these reunions for some reason). I outgrew most of my teen crushes within days/weeks regardless of the circumstances. I’m sure there were some school girl crushes, but I can’t even remember those names.

How about you guys? If she continues to unfairly discriminate against uniting us with celebrity crushes, is there someone (or several someones—I don’t judge… ok, I totally do, but not in this case) who you’d submit? Because if there is, you need to go to right now and submit your story. I need to live vicariously through you.


Sunday, October 19, 2008

5 Months: The Drawing

So, we left piece of the next five months of my life up to fate. I have to admit, I found the idea kind of exciting. I added many options ranging from the easy (“go back to dance class”) to the slightly more difficult (“become a ninja”).

It didn’t turn out like I thought it would.

I thought I’d be faced with huge life choices because let’s face it, becoming a ninja would probably take hard work and some training. Instead, fate had me grab some things that are going to be a challenge to quantify and all in line with things I probably would have done anyway.

What does that mean?

Check out the video for the drawing results:

So, there you have it:

1. Go Back to Dance Class. Physically and, probably, emotionally, this is something I’ve been trying to work out for a while. I stopped dancing about a year and a half ago. Some of the hesitance to return is based on physical limitations, and some of it was just feeling overscheduled. I dropped the class and kept promising to go back once my life loosened up a bit. That never happened. I guess Fate has decided it’s time.

2. Sell or Produce the Kate Dating web-series. We’ve talked about this from time to time. I’ve started writing it. But I must admit that I keep second guessing it. Grant it, it’s a fictionalization, but it will require me to make some changes to my actual life. And if it’s successful, that will require some even bigger choices to be made. Clearly, Fate has spoken, though. Onward!

3. At Least Once A Week, Open Mind to New Ideas (and say “yes”). This one was added at the last moment by a friend of mine at work. I’m not sure how we’re going to quantify this exactly, but I suppose it means that once a week, I’ll have to do the opposite of my instinctual response (which is always “no”). We’ll see how this one goes.

Because the first one is reasonably easy to achieve, I did end up drawing a fourth.

4. Attend Charity Events and Actually Converse with Strangers at Event. This seems like an easy one, doesn’t it? Obviously, you’ve heard about me attending various charity events (like Clooney’s premiere) so you’d think this one would be a gimme. The trick here is that I have to once again countermand my natural instinct to avoid speaking to the people in attendance. Like Ricky Gervais’ character in Ghost Town says “it’s not that I hate crowds, it’s that I hate the people in them”. Kidding, I don’t hate all of them. I just tend to avoid awkward interactions, and I have no ability to strike up conversations with strangers (ok, unless it’s X-Files related, and then I’m practically Anderson Cooper).

So, these are the things that Fate decided for me. I have to say, part of me was really cheering for “be a ninja”, so I think in some ways I’m disappointed. Maybe I was hoping Fate would force me to make the huge alterations to my life that, in my more rational phases, I can’t decide to make on my own. Maybe the key is to take these initial options and really make them into big moments.

Stay tuned.

P.S. I'd like to point out that there were a number of "dating x,y,z" cards in the bag, and none of them came up. Even Fate thinks that my dating is too much to ask.


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Last Minute Suggestions

Get your last minute suggestions in for my new life campaign before noon tomorrow! The dart board of fate goes live at that point. I have 12 possible options right now for changing the direction of certain elements of my life. I'll let you know the three winners this weekend.

And no-- I will not add Duchovny to my dart board of fate following his separation. But I like where your heads are at. Keep them coming!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The XF3 Tease

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the waters... or in my case, back to the blog, The X-Files and another movie become a slightly bigger possibility. Sure, it's early days, and this could just be deflection.

FOX chairman Tom Rothman told IESB today that, despite the lackluster performance of the latter, there's still the possibility of another - and he's leaving it up to the cast and crew as to whether they'd like to see that happen.

‘'It's really up to Chris [Carter], David [Duchovny] and Gillian [Anderson]", Rothman tells the site. ...


So, in addition to all the other suggestions you have sent for my dart board of fate (which should be ready on Friday), I'm adding "get cast in XF3". It is true that I wont be able to achieve that in the next 5 months, but I could start the process of making it possible. Yep, it's going on a card on that board!

Now, all I need to know is how to best go about groveling to make this happen...

Friday, October 10, 2008

Five Month Plan

I’m sitting in the waiting room of the Jeep service station, waiting for my car after an oil change. Yes, that’s right. I know how to party on my vacation days. Because I have rare uninterrupted time to write (and I’m not seething because I’ve stupidly locked myself out of my apartment), I thought I’d share with you my new plan.

I have five months to make a new life for myself.

I know this sounds drastic, but I’m not happy, and things need to change. My friend Pen inspired me because she has roughly a 22 month plan for changing her life. I don’t think I have that kind of time. Let’s just say a birthday is coming up—a birthday I have dealt with by putting my hands over my ears and singing “LA LA LA LA LA LA”. Since that approach has not successfully kept time from moving forward, I’ve decided to do something more productive.

Now, I don’t mean that everything in my life will change. For instance, I have a close relationship with my parents. So, that stays. I have some friends I actually like (I know, this sort of violates the whole “I hate people” mantra I have, but go with it). But there is a lot of stuff in my life that I do not like, and this will change. I feel like I’ve been sleep-walking through my life, and I just can’t do that anymore. I can’t get that time back, and continuing to waste it seems like an unforgivable sin.

The only problem is, I’m not sure I have a plan. We jokingly decided on the “Dart Board of Fate”. Literally, I’d put cards up of my various options for the next five months, and then I’d throw three darts and see which ones will have to happen. I suppose I’d have to close my eyes to truly leave this up to fate, but that might be dangerous for anyone standing in the vicinity.

I know the things I don’t love, but I don’t know how to fix them. The job has seen better days, but it pays my rent well. In this economy, looking for a new job sounds like something fairly challenging. Investment banks are usually a good bet for people like me—but let’s face it, investment banks aren’t good bets for anyone right now. So, unless I make a huge move (personal assistant to Mr. Clooney kind of huge), I’m not sure how that one is going to shake out. And just for the record, I don’t have the temperament for personal assistant work. The first time someone asked me to get them a car/cab from Los Angeles while they are in Germany, I’d quit because working for someone that helpless
(or lazy) would annoy me.

I don’t have a house. This is not a shock in Los Angeles. People have cars here, not homes because the market is still way over valued here. This economy may take care of that, but so far, the three bedroom cape cod style house up the street is still over $2 million. In other words, the price is still just slightly more than I can afford at this time.

Of course, there is the love life. If I’ve proven one thing with this blog, it’s that LA is truly where dating comes to die. I’ve had a friend try to set me up with a friend of her boyfriend. Apparently, the threat of dating me was so strong and disturbing that not only did the date not happen, but they are no longer friends with the guy. Sweet. I said yes to a guy who said the always not helpful “we should get a drink sometime”. Yeah, as you might recall, he left the country two days later, and I’ve never heard from again. My hair-dresser was going to set me up with that guy who saw me getting my hair dyed and still thought I was cute (clearly deranged, but I agreed anyway). She never saw him again. There was the guy who was supposed to meet me at that movie premiere, and he… wait for it… never showed up, and I never heard from him again. So, I’m either the agent of dating death, or luck is really not on my side.

Despite all of this, I am still determined to make the next 5 months infinitely more interesting than it would be if I just continued to do what I do—hide in my apartment, watch the X-Files and work.

Feel free to send suggestions for the cards that will go up on the “Dart Board of Fate”. I’m hoping to start throwing darts at something by the end of next week. Of course, those darts might be heading at people rather than plans, but either way, things would definitely change.


Thursday, October 02, 2008

Valuable Advice

I very rarely give people financial advice. However, for people who are very concerned about the financial upheaval we are currently facing, I give you the following helpful guide (forwarded to me by the brilliant DM):