Wednesday, October 31, 2007

2nd Post- XFiles Is Official

I'm leaving for Vancouver now. It's a little early, but I need to become an established Canadian resident before I can work on this damn thing. Oh, and the new directions for their relationship better be naked directions, damn it. And I don't mean for Tooms or Pusher.

Happy Dance! Happy Dance!! Oh, and M, we never did get to Vancouver when it was actually shooting up there. I'm just saying... Ok, you need me to spell this out for you? VANCOUVER.

Kate is suddenly bouncy from more than sugar

Fox sets date for 'X-Files' sequel
Scully, Mulder return to theaters on July 25
Daily Variety

The long-awaited second "X-Files" film is finally a go, with 20th Century Fox setting a July 25, 2008 release date.

Untitled project reunites "X-Files" creator Chris Carter with thesps David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, who will reprise their signature roles as FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

Carter begins lensing in December in Vancouver from a script he co-wrote with Frank Spotnitz, a veteran scribe of the long-running "X-Files" television series, which became a worldwide hit in its 1993-2002 run on the Fox network. Spotnitz also co-wrote with Carter the screenplay for 1998 feature "X-Files."

Studio is keeping the film's logline under wraps, but stressed the pic is a stand-alone story and supernatural thriller that takes the complicated relationship between Mulder and Scully in new directions.

As of now, there are only two other titles skedded for July 25, both comedies. Sony unspools Will Ferrell-John C. Reilly starrer "Step Brothers," directed by Adam McKay, while MGM has bows untitled Ice Cube family laffer.

Bringing the "X-Files." sequel to the bigscreen was waylaid when Chris Carter brought a 2005 lawsuit against Fox over how the "X-Files" syndication profits were divvied up. Suit was later settled.

Earlier this year, the issue seemed to have been resolved, with Duchovny and Anderson both indicating the that the film was finally forward.

Released in 1998, feature film "The X-Files" grossed $187 million worldwide, including a domestic haul of $83.9 million and an international cume of more than $103 million.


Welcome to my mid-life crisis. My name is Kate (Hi, Kate!), and I will be your tour guide. I find myself saying “how’d that happen” all the time these days—and I don't just mean when I look at my enormous bottom on the mirror (I know how that happened—get thee back, oh evil Häagen-Dazs. Well, not that far back, that’s just taking me far too literally. Closer. Closer. Closer. Ugh. Damn you!!).

Um, anyway, other popular questions with me these days:

What happened to them? How did I go from having goals to only having complaints?

At what point am I going to discover what it is that I want to be when I grow up? When I was a teenager, I absolutely knew—Laura Holt. I wanted to be Laura Holt. Not a detective, but actually Laura Holt. I had the hats. I had the moxie. Sadly, did not have Remington Steele, but I was sure that one day I would have him or a reasonable facsimile. Yeah, still waiting on that one. At least I still have the hats, right?

Look, I’ve known a lot of wonderful, caring popular ladies. Very popular. Very, very, very, very, very popular, and I have cheered them on. But these days, the overwhelming media perception about sex is that you meet someone and you immediately have sex with them and then maybe you get to know them, maybe not. Anyone see “Big Shots” the other night? The relatively chaste about-to-be-divorced guy (played by the dreamy Michael Vartan) was lamenting the loss of old fashioned girl who waited until the third date (third date? that's his version of old fashioned?) (I think the woman he met at the party had known him all of about 20 minutes before wanting to get on with it). All of his buddies told him that he should revel in the fact that women now have sex like men. Ok. Well, if that’s your thing, congratulations, but behaving like a guy isn’t really a selling point for me. I’ve spent years complaining about the way guys treat women, and now I’m supposed to be psyched that I have the opportunity to return the favor, or that now neither of us will give a shit? This is progress? Eh. Not so much. Oooh—perhaps I have found a career goal after all—nun. Clearly, these are my people.

Something Wicked.
Ever get the feeling that really big change is coming? A couple of times a year, I seem to get this overwhelming feeling that something is coming. I don’t think it’s anything particularly psychic—it’s more likely that my subconscious is picking something up that I’m not ready to deal with in any other way. The change isn’t always bad, either, but it is usually big. And I’ve never been wrong. I’m just hoping that this time it means that George Clooney will be one of my trick or treaters tonight. And if he is, I promise to seriously reconsider my stance on the paragraph above.

Kate, seemingly the last relatively old fashioned, goal-challenged girl in the world

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Reader Mail (NSFW)

I get a ton of email every day. It’s obviously from my dear readers who have taken the time to really reflect on what has been written here over the past year. I’ve touched them. This much is clear. I feel badly that I don’t always respond immediately. Because I was working on a friend’s movie, I have been particularly remiss in not responding to reader mail in a timely fashion. So, in order to apologize properly, I think I should respond to some of it here.

Question 1: Are you good in bed?
Yes. I am very good in bed. For instance, I can sleep on my side or my back with equal comfort. While I am a blanket hog, I don’t need to sleep on any particular side of the bed. Left, right, center—it’s really all the same to me.

Question 2: Do you want a man-sized shaft?
I think the construction of this question leaves me with some scary imagery, actually. Are they literally offering me a 6 foot penis? If they are, I’ll have to politely decline. It would be like the penis that ate New York. So, thank you for the offer, but I’ll save that for some other deserving person. Of course, now I’ll be haunted that an entire city is being terrorized by a gigantic penis.

(How does a gigantic penis move, do you suppose? Does it hop? Well, that makes it much less frightening.)

Question 3: Indian man looking for American wife. Are you her?
It’s not that I doubt the obvious sincerity of this magnanimous proposal, but I’m very quirky. When I finally hear those magical words, I’d prefer it if they didn't start in an email addressed: “To Whom It May Concern”. But that’s just me. Good luck to you in all your future endeavors. P.S. Hit me up again in 6 months, and I might reconsider depending on how my blind date goes.

Question 4: I bet you look like a troll.
Playskool Weeble. Pay attention.

Question 5: We can help you with your ED problems?
Thanks! But I’m happy to report that Ed and I are getting along just fine. Really, he isn’t giving me any hassle at all these days.

Question 6: Why would anyone date someone so obviously bitter?
Please see answers to #1 and #4. How could anyone resist?

Question 7: I am a Nigerian prince. My parents were killed in a bombing, leaving me $25 million dollars that I secretly need to move to the United States. If you confidentially accept this money transfer into your bank account, I will pay you $5 million. Please click this link.
Finally, my prince has come! Let me just find that bank account info….

Yep, as you can see gets a lot of mail. For instance, I had 42 pages of thought provoking mail much along the lines of the above when I finally had a chance to look at it today. Out of curiosity—does spam work? It has to, right, otherwise why would it come in such high volumes? Has anyone ever responded back to them? I don’t mean to actually place an order for Megadik, but just for the heck of it.

I’m thinking about it. Dear Mr. Nigerian Prince…


Monday, October 15, 2007

Oh, Yeah????

Everyone who said I couldn’t meet a man by staying inside my apartment, I’d like you to pay me $10. Please feel free to send it to my email address via paypal.

I came home today to find not one, but two gentlemen inside my apartment. That’s right—they were already here. I didn’t even have to go out and bring them back. They were already here waiting for me.

Sure, that could sound creepy and dangerous—sort of like a home invasion, but they were clearly fans. In fact, I’m pretty sure one of them asked me where he could get one of my lovely products (click here for lovely products).

Fine, they were actually here because the pipe burst, and the management company thought that water flooding the downstairs apartment might be a bad thing. Whatever. I think it’s so obvious that they were fans. They even asked me for an autograph… on their work order, but that’s just because it is all they had on hand. And I totally personalized it with “thanks for all of your support” which will undoubtedly make an impression when they read it J

I don’t want to seem ungrateful in any way for the universe sending me men, but if it could give me some warning next time that would be lovely. You never know when I might have access to the lethal spork/chair combo, and I don’t really love surprises. We narrowly avoided a minor, yet completely defensible, sporking when I walked in the door to hear people in my apartment. Apparently no one saw the “Fortress of Solitude” sticker on the door. But that’s just a minor quibble.

Ooooh, also, with the whole “notice” thing—it would help quell the panic that rises along the lines of “shit, my apartment is a mess; I live alone, no one sees this but me; where did I leave that bra; no really, the jungle in my living room is because of the painting; I’m not really a slob; I swear the walls were painted that way when I got here”.

But other than those infinitesimal issues, I completely appreciate the universe stockpiling men in the hall for me. Nice work.

I have to go clean now. I understand the plasterer could be coming sometime in the next few days to repair the hole in the wall. I need to practice my “oh so casual” twirl into the room in my sweater set, a-line skirt, pumps and pearls so that it looks natural.

What do you mean I’m not Doris Day?


Saturday, October 13, 2007

Bitter Apparel

When 25 year old blond girls with big boobs and pleasant personalities cannot get dates, you know your city has fallen into a yawning relationship chasm—a chasm so dangerously deep that only bitter apparel can save it.

Because you look to me to be your date-less leader, I took it upon myself to provide you with this lifeline of clothing.

Please click here and enjoy:

I’ve already market tested the tote bag on set last week, and it certainly sparked conversation. True to form, all the women who saw it actually came over to tell me how much they agreed with it. Also true to form—the guys asked for an explanation. Literally—“what does that mean?” Not one woman asked me that question. We just know.

In addition to dating horror stories from the ladies, several of the guys offered up helpful tips on dealing with men and what men are looking for. It was actually pretty sweet.

But guys, we know what your problems are and the pitfalls of actually dating a male. We get that. The problem is, all your advice started with “when you are dating a guy”—um, yeah, you are already far ahead of where most of us are. We need the bit that starts with “go here, and you might have a shot at meaningful conversation” or “go here, and you’ll get a shot at some guy giving you a meaningful nod or glance in your direction that will go nowhere but will officially be considered progress”.

Every woman involved in the conversation on Sunday asked the question “but where do you meet people” and every guy in the conversation said “What do you mean? Everywhere. Women are everywhere.”

True. Fabulous, beautiful 21 year old women arrive in Los Angeles every day by bus, plane and train. There is an endless supply of them. And every guy here seems to know this. Why pursue a relationship with an older 30 something when you know that you can have a revolving door of girls, seemingly happy to use and be used? Guys here just need to point—“I want that one”. Ladies, all you have to do is… um…


(Stay tuned for more exciting Kate Dating t-shirt designs)