Wednesday, February 28, 2007


I bet you are thinking to yourself-- "Where is Kate?" and "Did her wild Hollywood lifestyle take her far, far away so that she is no longer capable of blogging?" Here are some possible reasons for my blogging absence.

1. Island Get Away. It is a possibility that I went to this place to run away from even the possibility of dating: Who wouldn't want a paradise like this? No men. No men hassles. No men issues. No men bullshit. No "I'm going through a selfish phase". It's probably warm. The burka is very forgiving of those extra-slice-of-pizza pounds.

hmmm I'll admit, the prospect of "no man island" has periodically been enticing, but then I realized that my apartment is already a virtual no man island without some of those more restrictive rules. And if I continue to hide here, weight gain wont be noticed here either. So, nope, the island get-away was not the reason for my absence.

2. Torrid Love Affair. Another possibility is that I've finally been cast in a movie as the much sought after female lead character who becomes embroiled in a torrid love triangle-- caught between David (as in Duchovny) and George (as in Clooney). It's sure to be not only a box office sensation, but also my first Oscar nomination.

While I'm sure casting directors are frantically dialing day and night in order to locate me, alas, I have not yet been snagged. So, no, this wasn't it either. Although, seriously, cds call me.

3. Wild Hollywood Lifestyle. It is a possibility that the whirlwind weeks of Oscar parties have left me in a coma born of decadence. Not a good possibility since I hate leaving my home even for work, but technically a possibility. Oddly enough I did attend a pre-party for Global Green with my friend B. We were fabulous and had a lovely sustainable and organic time. Although if we find out that Wolfgang catered it, we may need shots.

Sure, Leo was obviously smitten with B, while Orlando tried valiantly to get my attention. We even tested the theory that accidentally pouring a drink down a guy's back gets you nary a scowl if you have legs for days (and proved it to be 100% true-- B, not me, as I have legs for seconds, not days). But we left them all wanting more.

4. Clooney, Clooney, Clooney. We all know that when Julia kept asking George whether or not he was dating someone, he was trying not to give our love away to the media. That was so obvious. I love that he is being discreet.

But no, George and I haven't eloped, or groped, or... um... met. Any day now.

5. A Boy Flirted. Another option is that a boy flirted with me, and I was so thrown that I was incapable of speaking, let alone writing. Yes, this is true. I'm pretty sure a boy sent me a flirty email which confused me, so I haven't responded to him yet. I'm thinking of making someone else do it. Surely, there is someone I can pay to do this for me, right?

But no, not the reason.

6. Lazy. Ding, Ding, Ding. Yes, I've been lazy. However, some friends have posed interesting dating questions and issues that must be addressed. Soon. Right after my nap.


Saturday, February 17, 2007

Vehicle flirtation devices

One of the things that people know about LA, even if they have never been here, is that we have traffic… lots and lots of traffic. Whether your commute takes you over surface streets or freeway, if you live in Los Angeles, you will be spending a lot of time in your car.

Therefore, it should be of no surprise that an entire dating subset has been created to better use this traffic time. It is called the “vehicle flirt”. Hey, if you are going to be stuck, might as well try your luck at the dating wheel of fortune.

You would not believe how many stories you hear about how people met their hook-up, girlfriend or spouse while stuck in traffic on the 405 (or driving 85 mph on the 405 for that matter). What does seem to be key in getting this to work, is either a suicidal traffic partner, or a method of communication from vehicle to vehicle that allows for stops, starts, lane changes, high-speed chases, cut-offs and off-ramps.

The first method is a tried and true flirtation—the eye catch and smile. I’ve tried this, and it has gotten me... um… absolutely nowhere, actually. But I’m sure that it could work for other people. I don’t know how this works for guys, but ladies, we know how to sweep for intel. Personally, I can throw out just the briefest glancing blow of eye contact and take in what he’s driving, relative height, relative weight, if he has other passengers, if there was a car seat, if there is a ring, mother’s maiden name, voting record, if he’s still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, whether or not he’s been circumcised ... You know, the basics. Theoretically, if the other driver picks up your eye pass and responds, you could be turning down a side street to exchange phone numbers.

The second method allows for not only the flirtation, but the continuation of driving. Sometimes you can’t just pull off on a side street. Sometimes you need to keep heading to your destination (like when Grey’s Anatomy is about to start). This is where the yelling witty sayings out the window while driving 85 skill comes in handy. Once you get a little banter going, you could be getting his phone number shouted at you. I think it probably works the best with the guy shouting his number—otherwise, I’m picturing a huge multi-car pile up because all the guys around the two primary flirters are also writing down that phone number the girl has just shouted. Needless to say, this method works much better when everyone is basically parked either because of a traffic jam, or because the police have shut down the freeway/street for the ongoing high-speed chase. Hell, if it is a shut-down, you could technically have your first through third dates while waiting for the all clear signal.

The third method is for the truly skilled. It is for the professional. It involves the “vehicle flirtation device” (and yes, I have actually heard of this working). The “VFD” is a series of handy white boards kept in car with pre-written greetings for your fellow drivers. It’s usually something a little saucy to inspire intrigue and maybe a laugh (hair toss, with a giggle, while driving...). For instance, mine would read something like: Yell to me your social security number so I can begin the background check. Yep, something saucy like that.

Anyway, I’m hoping that someone out there reading this has had some experience with vehicle flirtation. If it has worked for you, I want to know. And I want to shamelessly steal your material for my own white board, gaze, banter, whatever. Hey, conventional methods are not working for me. The car flirt may just be my ticket.

Saturday, February 10, 2007


If you noticed the earth not rotating on Thursday night—my bad. Yes, totally my fault. I went out for a drink with friends after work.

That’s right. I went out. As in, I was at a place that was neither work, nor my apartment…at night...for something social.

I’m going to give you a moment to let the awe wash over you.


This was actually the second time in a week that I had gone to a festive social evening gathering featuring adult beverages. I even went to an alumni function this morning thinking that it would be good to meet people with whom I had a common background.

So, to sum up—
Social outings in one week: 3
Number of men who asked me out: 0
Number of men who approached with interest: 0
Number of men who made meaningful eye contact: 0
Number of men who looked in my direction: 0
Number of men who noted my existence on earth while gazing at one of my friends: 0
Number of men who looked in my direction because there was a clock above my head: 0
Number of men who looked in my direction because I was sitting right next to the men’s bathroom: 0


It’s not that I expected that this dating thing would happen over night (ok, that’s a lie. I totally did. I thought I’d say “universe, here I am, I am ready to date” and magic would start occurring). But I didn’t think that it would be this difficult to start at least the flirting phase. I mean, according to my calculations, I should be leaving men frustrated in my wake.

In reality… um… yeah, not so much.

I couldn’t even get the cutie reading the newspaper (ooh, another reader!) at the bar to look up when I had to reach around him to get my drink from the bartender.

Is it supposed to be this difficult? Seriously, I had less trouble scaling the Berlin Wall than I’m having here.

I may need to step up my game a bit, perhaps get one of my friends to start wearing this little number:
And if that doesn’t get a guy’s attention, I’m going back to watching TV. My remote is getting lonely.

Kate, trying and failing to date in LA

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Found It!

I have found it. Click on that link, and you will see my new destination. I am packing as we speak. Then all I have to do is find a fish, or build a house. Then bam—married.

Way easier than filling out the 27 page form. Way easier than actually trying to smile through a decade worth of “I’m not ready” and “in the span of human history, we haven’t been together that long” conversations.

Hell, no. Instead, here I will be revered. Note this very wise person-- "The choice of a woman is much more stable".

Damn straight.

Now.. I don’t cook. Once again, I am hindered by not embracing the whole Betty Crocker thing. Not to be deterred. I can build a house. There is nothing in this article that indicates it has to a house that will stand for life. It only has to be there long enough for me to get the dude over the threshold. I can do that.

Quick question—leaning a couple of palm trees toward each other in a tent-like structure counts as a house, right?


I’ve got a plane to catch… just as soon as I figure out how to get cable hooked up into the palm tree house.