Friday, October 23, 2009

Well That’s Just Wrong


Do you ever pass a mirror and catch a glimpse of yourself that is so frightening that you actual stop to marvel at how ugly you look at that particular angle? Yeah. That just happened. I was actually frightened. And then I started imagining that this is why men don't speak to me. It's not because I'm "untouchable" or "off-putting" or "have fuck you stamped on my forehead in invisible ink that only boys can see". None of that is true. It's that they see me in that angle at all times and are actually using me as the inspiration for the next series of horror films involving gargoyles. On the bright side, at least I don't have to wonder anymore.



I'm now curled up in my sweats with a glass of wine and my computer. In my fantasy world, I'd be settling down to write another best-selling dramatic novel or even better selling romance novel. Instead, the wine is fortifying me as I once again ponder how to best describe my most fantastic attributes on my annual performance review.

Good times.

Since I don't really drink, this should add thrilling and evocative elements to this review. In fact, I'm very seriously considering answering these questions in character. I tested the theory one year that they don't actually read my self-assessments anyway by including a reference to "needing a subscription to the psychic friends hotline" in it. It was never mentioned again, although it was missing from the final submitted form. Perhaps it was noted and dismissed for my own good—intervention by an employment guardian angel.

Sadly, I am stumped at which characterization to include. I must admit a Sue Sylvester approach sounds sort of appealing right now. My review of my performance and the department as a whole would be must more straightforward than usual. Or maybe each question should be answered by a different character! For instance, drunken Kate could answer the section on "execution", while romance novelist Kate could respond to "interpersonal relations"! I'm just trying to figure out how best to add the phrases, "his touch released a slow burn made my body flush" and "my breath caught as my gaze found his…my pulse quickened…there was no turning back now" into "teamwork".

This could take a while.



If you haven't heard me talk about the "Celebration of The X-Files" charity event, you must not know me in real life. It really does seem like it's going to be a lot of fun. Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully), Mitch Pileggi (AD Walter Skinner), executive producer/writer Frank Spotnitz and executive producer/director Rob Bowman will all be there. And even better, if you want to be there, but can't swing the tickets, my friend Danielle's site is giving away two general seating tickets to a lucky winner! It's true, they don't include the autograph session, but nothing would stop you from buying a ton of raffle tickets for a chance at a "Meet & Greet" with the panel before the event—and I did mention that getting into the event would be free, right? In this economy, free is a beautiful thing. So, check out here site if you'd like to give that a go:



Most frequent email question: "So, how's the dating coming". To this I reply, "Have you met me?"

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Charity Event: Celebration of The X-Files

Some readers have inquired as to whether or not I'll definitely be at "The Celebration of The X-Files" event on November 14, 2009 at the Beverly Wilshire. Um... does this answer the question? :)

Not into clicking on widgets?

Here are the details:

Please join IBG Inc. on Saturday, 14 November 2009 at the Beverly Wilshire hotel in Beverly Hills, CA, for an afternoon to celebrate “The X-Files” series and films, while raising funds for a number of worthy charities. The event will feature a moderated Q&A panel with in person appearances by Frank Spotnitz, Gillian Anderson and other TBA members of “The X-Files” team*.

A limited number of VIP tickets, available for $125, can be purchased here: VIP tickets to the event grant the holder front section seating, in-person autograph with participating panelists (to date: Frank Spotnitz and Gillian Anderson) and admission to the VIP party (please note that panelists are invited, but not expected to attend the VIP party).

Preferred ($75) and general seating ($50) tickets for the Q&A are also now available at

Have you always wanted to meet actress Gillian Anderson, or talk writing and producing with Frank Spotnitz? “Meet and Greets” with Gillian Anderson and Frank Spotnitz (which will be held directly prior to the event) will be auctioned on eBay throughout October. Check the tickets page for the latest bidding links:

The IBG website has all your information on ticket availability, event schedule, participating charities and venue details:

Founded in late 2008, IBG established an official non-profit campaign focusing on utilizing the power of philanthropy through the arts to benefit a wide range of charities worldwide. IBG acts as a “fundraiser facilitator” for underfunded and start-up charities that would otherwise struggle with the logistics and costs associated with event fundraising.

*Event talent subject to change due to availability.

VIP Ticket: $125; Preferred Seating: $75; General Seating: $50; Email for information on student ticket discounts.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Romance Novelist

When I was about 15 I started writing romantic fiction. It was somewhat unexpected since I don't think I had really even kissed a boy at that point, but my heart was pure and my pen was willing.

It started slowly enough with me writing using characters for my favorite television show at the time, Remington Steele. Since Laura wasn't putting out in that show, I didn't have to stress myself with trying to come up with lurid details. Essentially, I was writing "Hollywood Movie Sex" full of longing, glances filled with something potent, yet indefinable, heartbreak and love—always love, never lust.

As I began to explore the mysteries of the hidden romantic world of my imagination, my friends were forced to come along for the ride. I learned to pay attention to structure (which I've since abandoned) and try for useful spelling tips (remember—no spell check back in the day). I found spelling to be almost as important as a solid story at one point. After all "striking a chord within her" and "striking a cord within her" are actually two very different things—and one is much harder to explain.

At some point, my friends wanted me to start writing for them and particularly men. Movie starts, the guy at the mall, the person they were actually dating—it really didn't matter. And since I was still in the "wayward crest of rippling undulations" stage, it never landed in the "too much information" side of the experience.

I'm not sure why I stopped writing. Perhaps the novelty had worn off, or perhaps I was too busy to focus anymore (a trend that has remained with me), but the entire exercise lasted mere months.

Well, it took a couple of decades, but I think "rippling undulations" is making a comeback.

It started as a joke. A friend wrote to me and said, "Tell me about that time we met ____". Rather than just laughing and saying, "That was a great day", I started writing a story. I think it amounted to no more than 2 or 3 sentences. She was amused, and has now challenged me to add a sentence every morning. I have no doubt the people at work monitoring our emails will be enthralled.

I think I missed my calling. It may be time to just go with all my worst tendencies and best inclinations. My fictional encounters with men are bound to be more entertaining than my real life ones, right? Right? Anyone? Ahem.

So, look out world—purple prose through a soft focus lens may be headed your way very soon.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Mitch Pileggi Fundraiser Follow-Up

For those of you wondering about Judi's situation and about the event last weekend, writer Danielle Turchiano has posted up her interview here