Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Facebook Can Be Your Best Friend

Facebook can often be a curse. There is no doubt about that. When you wake up on your way-over-25th birthday to see a friend recommendation of your ex's new wife, you curse it. When you are approached by junior high school people who tell you that they never really liked you, you will at least consider deleting your account. When you realize that you can't curse your job, boss, friends or hobbies on it without compromising all those things, you might wonder what the point of it all is.

Apparently, the point is: pay attention to photos of your current husband marrying another woman at Disney that her friend helpfully posted on Facebook.

I'm not kidding. Check out this article from lemondrop.com, and you'll see the usefulness of this social detecting tool: http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/08/03/she-found-out-her-husband-had-another-wife-via-facebook/?sms_ss=facebook

I feel for this woman. I really do. It's bad enough that he cheated on her, but to find out that he has married again and that your original marriage might not be entirely legal (leaving you no easy legal recourse) has got to be agonizing. That he then comes back to take the kids—unforgiveable. He is the bad guy. No doubt about it. I do believe there are circles in hell specifically designed for this waste of space (and not just Circle 2 wussy wind thing—I'm thinking Circle 8 has demons lining up for this guy).

But she also made a classic error—she listened to his ridiculous tale of woe and took him back after he supposedly left the second wife.

Ladies, let her horrible situation be a very important lesson to you.

I understand you had a life and children together that you cannot just ignore.

I understand that you loved him and trusted him at one point.

I understand that you want to be the bigger person.

I understand that he promised to change and take your needs into consideration.

I understand that you may have believed him when he made the other, theoretically ex, woman into the bad guy (let me guess—he called her "crazy", "unstable", "demanding", "still in Disney therefore I'm not getting enough attention"…).

I understand that you want to believe him.

I also understand that he is playing you. He is always playing you. You are not the exception. You are the rule.

It's not that I don't understand someone making a mistake and repenting. Mistakes happen. That's why diamonds were invented. Another life with a second woman in another city is not a mistake; it is a character flaw that you will never fix.

Please learn from this poor woman—do not go back.

And always, always check for pictures!


(finding being single far preferable to lying liars who lie!)


Marisa said...

Ugh. I mean...sigh. How is he able to take the kids? How are there no legal ramifications for that?


But thank you for the post, because God knows I needed that "I can't believe I just read that" laugh.

"Mistakes happen. That's why diamonds were invented." Might be my favorite quote ever, btw ;)

Kate, Dating in LA said...

There has to be some legal ramification somewhere down the road even as the biological parent. If he plays the "I'm in a stable relationship" card, she should get to beat him with a 2x4. And if not, at least the man has now been at least partially exposed on national television. UGH!

re the quote-- T-shirts! We need t-shirts!

Dee Murray said...

UGH. Really. What else can you say? Except maybe, "Double UGH".

Kate, Dating in LA said...

Double UGH sounds about right!

Catherine said...

I find it so unbelieveably sad that she took him back. I recently went through some stuff that was unforgiveable, and had to cancel a wedding and break up with the man I was with for 7 years. But, I can't imagine it any other way. You know what I would tell people when they would ask, what if he's changed? I truly believe that a majority of people do not change. Ever. I have never met someone who has had some kind of life transforming experience where they are a whole other person, a better person. A reformed person. I've heard of these people - at church you hear about the man who found Jesus and became a whole other man, but you know what? I've never met that person myself. It's always a friend of a friend of a friend. Some common day urben legend about how people can change. Until I see it with my own eyes, I simply can't believe it. That's why you are right on with you are the rule, not the exception. We all want to be the exception and I know for sure we all want to think that someone's love for us is enough to make them change for us. But frankly, usually it is not. Time to move on and find someone who deserves you. And you know what, what if he actually has changed? Good for him. Let him go out and find someone else and do it right this time. It's not your job to give someone a second chance.

Sorry for such a long comment - this story just got me all riled up!!


Tiia Jones said...

1. If you order T-shirts, I want one.

2. One of the MOST useful things about all of this social media hullaballoo is to be able to check that men are telling the truth. Because they lie. You aren't being distrustful or terrible if you check out the facts especially if you already know he lied before!

3. Dante reference = You are my Facebook Beatrice

Kate, Dating in LA said...

@Catherine, Good for you for getting out of a bad situation! I think a lot of women not only think they can save someone, but also that being alone is somehow a worse fate. Personally, I just can't picture being able to live with that kind of disrespect.

Kate, Dating in LA said...

1. I am seriously getting out the photoshop tonight.

2. Plus, they are completely arrogant. They will flaunt, flaunt and flaunt more. Cyber-research is becoming a very valuable relationship tool.

3. LOL!! I will be your guide. :)

惠宛佳桂 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it.......................................................................

The Barreness said...

Ah the many MANY reasons not to tie the proverbial (death) knot...

This is why casual sex is so much more...fulfilling? Rewarding? Stress-free?

I fell victim to the lying liars who lie for years and now I've become more the B*tchy B*tch who Scr*ws A Lot. (Yes, I know, but there's no available allitteration option to describe a sexually adventurous, single and blissfully childless woman, is there?

Enjoying the blog immensely,

- B

AngeliStarr said...

So mad she took him back

serial dater said...

omg! i think i know a lot of these cases! enjoying your blog...i just started one because of all my dating "tragedies"... keep looking forward to read you everyday! :)