Clearly, in order to become a wildly famous author with Pulitzer committee calls and film conversion offers waiting in the wings, I should tell you about the brilliance that was my first day in my new life. That brilliance should include a sly mention of my embarking on a torrid affair with a well-known leading man who only stays in his "Hollywood" marriage for the sake of his adorable children and to avoid a career-debilitating scandal. These pages should be full of the joy of re-discovering sexual desire and colorful descriptions of the whole new world of tabloid dodging that immediately wrapped me in its seducing tentacles. I should be at least hinting at purple prose waiting in the wings (that I will obviously try to sell as empowerment involving the shedding of moral shackles).
As I type, I'm thinking of sentences like "and so he took her, as only a man can take a woman, who yearns…"**
Instead…
I did laundry.
So close.
Well, I was seduced by a brownie. Does that count?
Maybe later today…
Kate
**(bonus points if you can name the origin of that sentence).
3 comments:
"#ucking and Punching"?? No? Dammit. So close. :-) Laundry is good research. How can one write about seductively hanging sheets on the line during a breezy, warm summer day, lifting that loose strand of hair away from your eyes as you look into the distance without practice? Wait...that sounds more like Angelina from the Joan Wilder novels. Nevermind. :-)
Point #2: "...my embarking on a torrid affair with a well-known leading man who only stays in his "Hollywood" marriage for the sake of his adorable children and to avoid a career-debilitating scandal." Just a thought here: Elizabeth Taylor/Eddie Fisher. Sure, it was scandalous, but it hardly ruined their careers. And, thanks to the evil, stalking media and the current state of the ADD generation, memories are short,and scandals even shorter-lived than any Teen Mom's career. I say go for it! Go Get That double shot macchiato! :-)
Well, doing laundry could be seen as a step in the right direction. You know, you can't be out indulging in torrid affairs if you're down to your "OMG I totally need to throw these old ass-things away," laundry crisis panties. Perhaps a trip to Agent Provocateur is in order though.
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