Friday, April 15, 2011

End of the Road

Remember this blog: ? Well, the question posed there might not have been a rhetorical one.

I've found myself at the end of one particular career path. While I won't go into details, I began to wonder why I was doing the things I was doing. And while no one loves to complain more than I do (hello, I have a blog), even I couldn't listen to my complaints anymore. Deep down I knew that the only person who could make me happy was me—so I'm taking a leap.

I'm taking the next year off from my normal life.

I'm leaving my job of 16+ years. I'm leaving stability and consistency for something completely unknown.

I started pre-school at 2 ½ years old. I worked in the interim year between college and graduate school, and I've never been without a plan. But at this moment, I literally have no idea what I'm going to do. I want to travel. I want to write. I think "Executive Producer and Writer" sound like excellent titles when paired with my name. I want to take random classes on art history at the Getty in the middle of the day on a Tuesday—just because. I want to take internships to see another side of the world around me and not worry about the fact that they don't pay, or don't pay much. I want to learn to play tennis. I want to finish a book in less than two months (reading one or writing one). I want to go to an airport, stand in front of the departures board and pick a flight. I want to be invested in whatever I'm doing, and eventually, I would like to feel like I count again.

I'd be lying if I said I haven't had a moment or twenty of panic in the last two weeks. The paperwork alone has been stunning. I'm absolutely certain in the coming weeks I will have at least one all consuming desire to beg for my job back while rocking back and forth asking myself, "What the hell was I thinking?"

Ok, that's likely to happen more than once.

No one is suddenly going to knock on my door and offer me a better life (and let's face it, when someone knocks on my door, I don't answer it), so this is my attempt at taking it. If this experiment ends with me broke and begging for my old life back, I'm going to seem stupid. If this experiment is successful, I'm going to seem brave and insightful.

Today is my last day.

It's the end of the road. Or at least that road.

Stay tuned…


Carey Hagan said...

OMG! I am so proud of you! And I have to confess, I never thought you would do it unless you were downsized, RIF'd, etc. One of the things I've always liked about you is how stable/grounded/hardworking you are, whether it's dance or friendship or work. I just never thought you'd dare to get off the Work Treadmill we're all on. This is so exciting! YAY!

Dee Murray said...

Besides being incredibly proud of you for your bravery and happy for you for beginning this new adventure, I can't believe the train stops here. You are doing something that most people just dream of....and dream, and dream, and dream, and then they're old. Just be careful out there. Trust no one. ;-)

Helen said...

This may be the end of one road...a road you knew well that, while easy to navigate, wasn't really taking you anywhere you wanted to go. So, now here you are, dare I say it? Turning left! onto a brand new road. It may not be clear right now where it's heading, but I have a good feeling you will end up someplace you really want to be! Well done, you!

Deborah said...

Congratulations! I am so proud of you. No matter where this new adventure takes you I really don't think that you will regret taking this leap of faith into uncharted territory for you. Good luck and I can't wait to hear more about where your journey leads.

Penny Lope said...

Wow! you go girl! Life is for living and when you look back, at some ripe old age, you will not regret taking it by the ___ (let's use horns) and running with it. You just never know what opportunities you will have created for yourself until you begin your new walk. All the best to you Miss executive producer/writer et al.

Penny Lope said...

Good grief! it lost my post! Let's see.....

You go girl! So happy to see you taking a leap of faith. When you are some ripe old age and looking back, you will not regret taking life by the ___ (let's use horns) and going for it. You will have given yourself opportunities not dreamt of through this...all the best to you Miss Executive Producer and Writer! *claps & high fives* Ms. Kate

southsiderpgh said...

Patricia, I'm so very excited for you and very much look forward to hearing where you take your life. Congratulations on taking the plunge!