That was Awkward

Uh… oh my.

The afternoon started innocently enough. It was like any other late afternoon of any other work week. I was walking to the jeep parked on one of the lower levels of my parking garage at work. As usual, I was in a daze, contemplating both cutting myself at the prospect of an upcoming work debacle (please, it will be) and whether or not I’d respond to the invitation to the Global Green event (and apparently landing on, “Nah, I think I’ll call it an early night instead”).

I know I should pay more attention to the people around me. Grant it, I work in a pretty upscale area and financial districts are more known for fraud than violence -- although now that I think about it a woman was killed across the street in a parking garage going to her car in the late afternoon (sheesh, bitter soon-to-be-ex-husbands). Anyway, I wasn’t expecting anything unusual to occur. But Murphy’s Law being what it is…

I think, perhaps, possibly, that I may have, entirely inadvertently (of course) interrupted some sort of sexual act. I think.

And no, smartasses, it’s not because it’s been so long that I don’t recognize it anymore. I have a very vivid memory of elegantly scrolled parchment and vows being spoken, so I absolutely remember how these things are supposed to go—thank you very much. I’m just not quite sure what I saw. Maybe the guy was just sleepy?

Here is the back story:

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen these two people at work talking as I have been leaving for the day. For the most part that talking has been outside by the one restaurant. In the last two weeks, I’ve noticed the woman standing by the guy’s truck waiting for him. Then the other day, as I was pulling out (that’s what he said), I noticed that they were both chatting inside his truck.

This time, I was whistling a happy tune, and I thought I was alone in my section of the garage. I can only thank my lucky stars that I wasn’t carrying on a one person rant (because when you live alone a long time, you do tend to start carrying on highly involved conversations with yourself… or is that just the insanity taking over? Eh, whichever). I got into my car. I turned to put my bag in the back, and noticed hair swinging—the woman had just popped forward in the passenger seat. I didn’t think anything of it—I figured she was alone in the truck waiting for him. I pulled on my seatbelt, and then all of a sudden, I see the guy sitting up with his back to the driver’s side door.

Odd. What was he… oh my.

Naturally, I very subtly snapped my head and eyes around to the front (with only a slight whiplash to show for it) and got the hell out of there.

First thing the next morning, I accosted my work colleague, J, in order to explain what I had seen to get a guy’s perspective. His exact words were:

J: So you think she was giving him a hummer? Nice! He is now my hero. He is living the dream. Tell me everything.

Kate: No, I think he was actually… uh… helping her out.

J: How would that work?

Kate: [stares blankly trying to figure out how to get this point across without actually describing this act]

[more silence]

Kate: Um, well, his head was in her lap, so…

J: Right, but that can’t be easy from that angle.

Kate: When there’s a will…

J: I’m walking you to your car tonight.

Alas, J was tied up with actual work when I was leaving, so I was under strict orders to text him immediately after leaving the garage if the dynamic duo was at it again.

But for the first time in months, the truck wasn’t parked there. It was nowhere on the lower level. I’ve scared them off. And worse, I had to dash J’s hopes of torrid tales from the parking garage. He took it like a trooper, though, when I finally told him 2 hours later what had (not) happened.

(texting)

J: Well????

Kate: Truck wasn’t there! First time in months.

J: Geez—don’t make me wait that long! Wasn’t sure if you were filming them or kidnapped into sex slavery or what!!

Kate: It was the most excitement anyone has had at work in a long time. It’s oddly disappointing

J: I’m kind of disappointed too. So, thanks for that.

Kate: That’s sick.

J: If by sick, you mean “awesome”, then yes, yes I am. Who wouldn’t want to catch people doing it in the parking garage at work.

Kate: Well, the truck is gone.

J: Damn it. You ruined it. Way to go.

Kate: Yeah, like that’s the first time a guy has said that to me.

And so ends the saga of maybe sex in the parking garage. It was easily the most interesting thing that has happened in years at my place of employ. And since I put the tight in uptight (wait, that sounds very, very wrong), I think you should all be proud of my amusement (once I got over the extreme embarrassment). I didn’t think about calling the cops once.

Of course, when I saw the guy again… well, I couldn’t look at him. Because I know that he knows that I know that… uh…

Yeah, something funky was going on.