Emails

Like most people with an email account, I get a ton of spam every day. Most of it, I don’t even look at. I just hit delete. But today, two emails caught my attention, and I just had to share.

The first email had a subject line featuring “Viagra Professional”. Forget for a moment that I’m not actually a guy, that I wouldn’t actually buy prescription (or any other) drugs based on an anon email, and half of it seems to be in another language in order to beat the spam filters. Let’s just focus for a minute on the subject line.

“Viagra Professional”

Hmmmmm. Was there a “Viagra Amateur” that I missed? Is that one reserved for sexual newcomers (uh… so to speak)? Is the “Professional” version reserved for the more experienced male like Colin Farrell, or Fred Durst? Do you start at the amateur level, but then get stripped of your amateur status once you accept money? And do gifts count, or are we thinking about only straight cash transactions? Maybe there is a set of judges. You send in a tape, and they judge if you’ve advanced to the all star team, and therefore, in need of professional assistance now and again?

The second email had a subject line of “Has your penis left you?” Why yes, yes it has. How perceptive of you, spam email. It has not only left me, but it, and presumably the guy attached to it, will be marrying his new special young, blond, perky friend in a few months. But thanks for bringing it up, again. Thanks for rubbing it in. Maybe the next one I get will be titled “Kate, those penises will always leave you. Can you blame them?” Freakin’ emails.

Yes, these are the things I think about.

Kate, the grumpy