Monday, March 21, 2011

Invisibility Cloak

Do you ever have one of those days where you just want to burst into tears for no discernable reason? Yeah, me neither.

(picture me kicking the dirt with my toe, head hanging down)

Ok, that might have happened to me once… on Thursday… when my invisibility cloak came out of retirement.

It was a typical day at work. I'd gone through the standard "why-God-why" mantra when forcing myself out of bed for work. I'd arrived at work thinking something along the lines of, "There has to be more than this." I braced for impact when a particularly abrasive colleague asked for something ASAP—which naturally meant drop everything you are doing to help me because I'm stomping my foot and I said so, rather than a reflection of any actual urgency. I dealt with it with my usual aplomb: completing the request while mentally re-writing my resignation letter to exchange "regretfully" to "gleefully."

It was an ordinary day.

At lunch, I escaped to a little café near work. It was early for normal humans to be eating lunch, so there was only one other customer waiting (she had already ordered). I walked up to the counter. The woman behind the counter was on the phone taking an order, so I waited. She finished the order call and turned away from me to submit the order. I remained at the counter patiently and contemplated my life. She turned back around and picked up her cell phone. She texted. She turned to talk to the other person in the room bagging up a delivery order. She turned back around towards me. She went back to texting. Just as I was about to say something to her, a man walked into the café. She immediately looked up and asked him if she could take his order.

I looked around. Did anyone else notice that I was being totally ignored? No.

No one noticed me at all.

Normally, I pride myself for being undetectable. I like being the "man behind the curtain," so to speak. But to my dismay, I started to feel my nose get red and my eyes well up. And I just turned around and walked out. I never said a word and no one ever acknowledged that I was there.

They never saw me. I didn't count.

It was an ordinary day.

I'm not loud. I'm not brash. I don't take what I want. I'm the consequence girl who works hard and thinks that slow and steady will be enough. I'm polite—even to people I can't stand. And I don't count.

It was an ordinary day.




Melissa said...

Oh I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible...that lady was rude! Maybe she thought you were the other girl who had already ordered???

Dee Murray said...

awwwww. I'm so sorry. Those kinds of days/moments/years just make you want to rennovate that rock you want to crawl under, curl up and never come out. Besides, Feet Stomper is a Soul Crusher and therefore doesn't count. Except at that moment. UGH. Bankie, adult beverage, X-Files. And you are not invisible. I see you all the time! :-)

Wendy said...

This is going to sound corny, but you are my freakin' hero.
If it wasn't for you, I never would have had the chance to
visit California and see my X-Files people in person. So on days when life kinda sucks and rude people abound just
smile to yourself and think: I've been up close and personal
with Frank Spotnitz, Chris Carter, Rob Bowman, and Gillian
F@cking Anderson! And then go have that adult beverage (:

Kate, Dating in LA said...

@Melissa, entirely possible-- at least I hope it's possible.

@Dee, LOL Dee. Feet Stomper is to be avoided at all costs.

@Wendy, awww! Thank you! Is it odd to say that I hope we can do it again someday soon?

Carey Hagan said...

Darling, I have NO PITY for you whatsover. Now, you and I both know that you have lived and worked in the toughest, bitchiest city on the planet. You had the commute that only a marathoner could appreciate. And you stood there and took it on the chin? We need to talk. Clearly, you have replaced by aliens. This is not the you that I know. I am going to stage an intervention. This must stop.

Kate, Dating in LA said...

@Carey, dude-- I got into a fight with a homeless person before I left NYC, and I got all my aggression out there. :)

Helen said...

I see you and you are lovely. The person behind the counter was rude and bad at her job. Sadly, we don't live in a world where you get ahead simply by quietly doing your job well. You must speak up for yourself. You don't have to be rude about it (though that can be fun), but you do need to say "hey, I'm here too and I count." You certainly count in my book.