Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Kate Dating Fairy Tale

It was one of those late night conversations—you know the ones that start in the haze sometime after midnight, but before actual sleep. We were comfortable, talking close in hushed tones at the end of a long week. I remember snuggling in closer, his arms going tighter around me, as the night grew quieter and still.

Something I said, can't remember now what, drew a chuckle from him and a kiss to the forehead.

Kate (snuggling in more with a smile): You realize we can't ever break up. We'd never be able to separate out all of our stuff.*

So cozy. So warm. So perfect.

Ex (snuggling back): Actually, it wouldn't be that hard. You'd get the bed and the club chairs; I'd get the bed in the spare room. Most of the furniture in the living room is mine, but you can take the couch, and I'll keep the one in my study.

Kate: (silence)

Ex (kissing Kate's forehead again): mmmm g'night.

Kate: (silence)


He was right. I did get the bed. As I watched two men struggle to remove it from my apartment today, I remembered the conversation we had in that bed so long ago. And with a twinge of melancholy I thought…


"Damn, I still have to get rid of the couch and the chairs".




*Gentlemen, this is called a "soft lob" of a question. The right answer in this situation is, in fact, "I don't even want to think about it." Not only is it true (it's not like you want to think about feelings, and you certainly don't want to talk about them), but it can also be misconstrued as romantic. If it is misconstrued as romantic, you could end up having sex right after you say it. Further, itemizing the ways it would be easy to separate your stuff, as though you've been keeping track for just that sort of situation, is unlikely to lead to anything naked… well, naked and pleasurable, at any rate. No need to thank me for these clarifications. I'm here to help… and to live as a warning to others.



danielletbd said...

Damn it took you a LONG time to get rid of that! I would have taken a chainsaw to the mattress within a week!

Kate, Dating in LA said...

LOL! Yes, it did. Two reasons:

1)Hope springs eternal (or at least for several years), and

2)Do you have any idea how expensive a new bed is? Dang.

Anonymous said...

I still have the living room furniture from The Ex--and it's been 11 years! I figure it's not the furniture's fault! But you're completely right about the choosing these moments carefully. Why do men think they have to be up-front all of the time?? Great post!

Anonymous said...

your english is incredible............................................................