Thursday, January 08, 2009


I am an incredibly shy person. I know that this can not be a shock to many of you. It sort of fits with the whole “so, I’m a hermit, yeah, yeah” thing I have going on. It’s not so debilitating that I won’t interact at all with other human beings, but it is definitely one of the reasons that I’m not big on making approaches to strangers.

Shyness is a killer for networking. You remember that charity event that I was assisting with in December? Logically, if I saw the guest of honor on the street, I should feel comfortable enough to exchange a greeting with him—particularly since Frank Spotnitz may be one of the nicest people I’ve ever met in my life. But I know me. I’d hide from him. I’d assume that I was imposing by approaching him, or that he wouldn’t remember me (well, he does meet a lot of people). How on earth would I go about meeting strangers if I seriously thought about changing careers (and not just becoming a beach bum after I win my many, many millions through the lottery)?

But you know what else gets shut down from shyness? Dating. Thank goodness the people at Yahoo!Personals have provided me with this handy article: Dating 101: Four Ways to Overcome Dating Shyness (

According to this article, by admitting that I’m shy, I’m accepting a negative thing about my mindset. They suggest that I say out loud that I am no longer a shy person and that eventually I will grow to believe it if I say it often enough. Yeah, because that works. Much like, “I am a millionaire” becomes accurate if I say it often enough, and David Tennant is heading to the States to sweep a certain friend of mine off her feet if I chant that in a mirror. As an aside, yes, I will definitely start chanting that in a mirror, Pen, just in case I’m wrong.

Item number three in the article tells you to realize that you are not being judged. Really? That’s ridiculous. Of course, you’re being judged. You have the power to not care about an anonymous person’s judgment, but telling yourself that a person, particularly a first date, hasn’t made immediate decisions about you, is delusional. A guy has at least judged whether or not you’re “fun” or a “3rd-dater” (or, as is my case, a “don’t bother”).

The final piece of advice is to just accept who I am—that I am shy because I’m harshly judging myself. Sound, reasoned advice, this one.

But I have a question.

What happens if accepting who I am means accepting that I’m shy?

Kate, pondering the eternal conundrum

P.S. I want you all to know that if I ever do manage to get myself on a proper date, I’ll log into twitter and bring you all along as moral support. That couldn’t possibly go wrong.


danielletbd said...

Okay, first, is the article preaching The Secret? Because the whole idea of that phenomenon is that if you visualize something enough and ask the universe for it, you will get it, and I can tell you from personal experience that it DOES NOT WORK: Do you see Jensen Ackles in my living room right now??

And also, I think the idea of Twittering through a date is hilarious. I just joined Twitter and didn't quite know why, but now I have my answer! Question: what does it say if the guy ends up Twittering through the date, too? Would you think it means he's bored or that you and he have the exact same mindset and therefore are soulmates?

Dee Murray said...

What if they had support groups for shy people? You could meet people that way. You know - a bunch of folks sitting in a circle counting ice cubes in their glasses, not making eye can mumble in a barely audible whisper, "hi, I'm Kate and I'm shy." And the rest of the crowd mumbling back, "mmmmphhmm, Kate". Folks from AA date each other...I'm just sayin'.

Penelope said...

Ask yourself how has being shy been helpful for you in the past. Being shy has obviously been useful in some way. Then think about whether or not it is still serving a purpose for you and how you can adjust your way of being in the world to be more advantageous for you if it isn't. It's not about how someone else says you "should" or "shouldn't" be, it's about what works for you.

Kate, Dating in LA said...

Danielle-- it sounds very secret like, which is just annoying. Perhaps you just need to yell at the universe louder and he'll appear? As for Twitter, you know I'll do it. But if the date twitters, too, I think that probably isn't a good sign. I'll just have to be stealthy!

Dee!! I love the support group idea. But I can't imagine shy people being willing to go anywhere to talk to strangers about being shy. Maybe we'll be the bold ones. :)

Pen- Shy definitely serves a purpose for me-- absolutely protective covering. Of course if "Men My Friends Are Talking About" takes off, I might not be so shy anymore... oh, wait, yes, I will because I'll be hiding behind the camera. ;)