A New Plan

In honor of the upcoming anniversary of this blog, I’ve decided to ratchet up the insanity, or totally acceptable behavior depending on your temperament, of course.

My friend PT suggested that in honor of the late psychotherapist, Albert Ellis, that I undertake a new experiment. Apparently, in his youth, Dr. Ellis got over his shyness by approaching, and talking to, 100 women. It’s all part of a more confrontational approach to changing your life.

You can see where this is going, can’t you?

Over the next 2 months, starting on Monday (Aug. 6, 2007), I will make contact with 50 strange men. Ok, not strange as in drooling, preaching that aliens have landed, or ranting at invisible forces (because those things are obviously not strange at all, and yet make for an awkward initial approach), but strange as in unfamiliar to me.

Why only 50 instead of 100? I didn’t know Dr. Ellis, so I’m only bidding half respects to his plan. Plus, 100 men seems excessive and time consuming unless I’m allowed to shout to men in a crowded stadium—and at this point, that approach appears to be disallowed by the ruling committee.

Yes, I’m serious about the rules committee. You see, my friends know me well. My friend DM looked at me when I agreed to this and immediately said “we need to set up rules because I can already see the ‘how do I get out of this’ wheels turning”. She was completely wrong… almost totally wrong… largely incorrect… ahem, moving on.

I give you the “Kate Dating in LA Rules of 50” from here on known as “The 50”.

1. It doesn’t have to be a meaningful conversation, it just has to be an approach. For instance, “what time is it” is a perfectly acceptable encounter, and will count toward my total tally provided the man is a stranger.

2. If I am introduced to a man by a friend, actual conversation must take place. In this case my patented “Hey” is not enough to count. I suggested that “hey, there” with my hair toss and grimace trying to pass itself off as a smile should count because it can be flirty, but I was shot down.

3. Service industry people who are waiting on me do not count. Apparently, it is their job to talk to me, and therefore, I can’t claim credit for telling the waiter or host that I have arrived for lunch. I assume this also rules out pizza boys, cable repairmen, maintenance, etc. Although if you knew how long it took me to call to get something repaired or delivered, you might be more inclined to count the contact.

4. Men who approach me (sheyah, like that ever happens) do not count, unless I throw a hissie fit in front of the rules committee, and then they might reconsider.

5. Conversation with the delectable David Duchovny will count towards 5 men. I have met him on occasion before, so he can’t get me out of the whole experiment, but since I am generally unable to put a sentence together in front of him, actual conversation counts for more than one man. Plus, he’s dreamy and should always count as more than one man ;) On a side note—between Dexter and David’s new show “Californication”, I can finally justify having Showtime. God bless every development executive over there at that fine institution.

6. Meeting George Clooney and engaging in conversation, or whatever else I can engage him in (hee), allows me to pass go and collect $200. Also, I’m pretty sure the rules committee has to give me at least $1000 each if I have a conversation with him. They don’t know this, but as they are probably reading this now, I feel like I’ve given them ample warning :) So, should Mr. Clooney put into place an affirmative action program that requires a quota of conversation with at least one troll-like woman with an absolutely enormous bottom for every 100 supermodels, I can see this being quite successful. Or prison. Prison is also a possibility.

I don’t always have to have someone with me, but PT will be monitoring my progress over lunch. This way, she knows that at least a certain percentage of my claims are valid.

These are the basics. I start tomorrow. If any of these encounters lead to hilarity, or indictment, I’ll be sure to let you know.

0 for 50 and counting.

Kate