Recognition

I'm sitting in a dance studio-- not any studio; the studio. I can't  begin to count the hours I spent in here-- required hours, stolen hours, all hours. Sense memory took over as I walked across the floor. Same creaks. Same smell. Same sense of wonder even if age has made some of those possibilities dim.

My body remembers this place. It remembers the calluses, the hamstring pulls and the exhaustion. And it remembers joy.

 I had a life here. I knew a boy here. I was challenged, frustrated and just shy of brilliant here-- at least once or twice.

Every five years or so I make this pilgrimage. I see old friends, and we talk about the years gone by. But this place I come to alone. Even though we had rehearsals and class here, each of us had our own experience-- our own blessings and curses. Explaining it to spouses and kids seems unthinkable.

Impossible to recapture youth, I know, and yet it feels so near here. If I close my eyes and take a deep breath I'll be who I was here.

I'm sitting in a dance studio. And I'm me here.

Red

I have three red shirts in my closet. For most people, this is probably not a stunning development. For me, it is practically as revolutionary as the color associations have been. I have black clothes, and when I want to spice it up, I move to gray or tan. Seriously. I've flirted with blues, but unless they are navy, even they feel a bit daring to me. And now I've gone red.

When I was a dancer, I had a choreographer who related a theory told to him by his favorite choreographer: "If you wear red, you must dance red."

Naturally, I thought he was a pretentious git, and I did my signature move of eye-roll and dismissal. Well, I definitely did the eye-roll. Apparently, the dismissal didn't happen quite as easily. I think somehow the idea that if I wore red, I'd have to dance red (or be red in non-performance life) took permanent hold.

I can't be red. I'm not a red person. Red means "look at me." It means "passion." It means "pay attention to me, or you will wish you would have."

"On Girls" wear red. I wear the daily equivalent of camouflage.

It's not that I haven't given it consideration. There is a pair of red stilettos in my closet that I have never worn. One of the fashion gurus said something about them being too provocative unless you are streetwalker, and I hid them in my closet.

But apparently, you can only keep red inside for so long.

This weekend I took the red out for a spin.

I liked it.

Look out Los Angeles.

Kate

The Wonderful World of Kate

The Wonderful World of Kate

• If I'm faced with the option of doing anything in the world, I sit down and watch television because having all the options are almost as paralyzing as having none.
  
• When trying to decide between cleaning and reading a book, I will always choose reading a book (even if people are coming over to my apartment). In fact, I seem to be choosing "reading a book" constantly these days. And it's kind of awesome.
  
• If Judgment Day really is Saturday, I think my V (original mini-series and final battle) viewing event is oddly appropriate. However, I have a date with Mitch Pileggi the next day that I'd rather not miss—and by "date", I mean attending a charity event where he is the guest of honor.
  
• I spend a fortune on local phone, long distance and cell and 99% of the time I would prefer to send an email rather than call someone… even people I know. In fact, I think I'm developing a phone phobia. The idea of calling a stranger for any reason makes my heart start to race. I'm not sure why. I guess I feel like I might be bothering them. I think we can safely rule out telemarketer as my next job.
  
• A friend suggested that without a structure and set plan for my year off, I will fall into a perpetual vacation mode that will go by very quickly. He is definitely correct. Alas, this has not yet prompted me to make that plan. Frankly, I'm not sure my brain has adjusted to the idea that I'm not going back to my old job, to my old life. Part of me is ready to heave that sigh of resignation and find my security card for the trip back to the office.
  
• With all the time in the world, I still avoid going to the grocery store. I do love being able to do laundry whenever the mood strikes me.
  
• I keep wondering how I can make a living wage by sitting at home and opining. I know there are people who do it, but thus far, no one has sent me a check. Rude!
  
• New shows are staffing with writers at this exact moment. Hands up if you think I should be one of them. Hands up if you think I'm better suited to solitary manifesto writing. Yeah, that's what I thought.
  
• I spent a terrific afternoon at the beach with friends (I do so have them) to celebrate a birthday (thankfully, not mine). The day was splendiferous. The sunburn I have right now is slightly less so given that only one side of my face is red, as though only part of my personality is chagrined about something. I'm not sure I want quite this obvious of a manifestation of my dual nature. Best to keep that bit a secret.
  
• I feel a deep, personal attachment to the animated Lemon in the new McD's ads. He seems so bummed out that lemons have become synonymous with a whole slew of negative things. That's right—I want to give an animated lemon a hug. Go me. I haven't lost my mind at all.
  
• My apartment has no sense of style. It barely has a sense of functionality. How do I get those HGTV people to come and suddenly make this place look like a comfortable showroom? And if that's not possible, how do I get someone to come over and help me move the TV? What about that charming Emily girl? She seems like fun, and really unlikely to make fun of me.
  
• Oh, Castle. You need to air all year. I know it would probably kill your actors, writers, directors, producers and crew, but let's think about me for a minute.
  

And those are the fascinating musings of Kate on an average Wednesday night.

Charming

(A Play in One Act)

L: You can be charming!

Kate: Name one time where I have been charming?

L: Well, I'm not around you all the time.

Kate: You can't do it, can you? You can't think of one situation.

L: Yes, I can! At the wine tasting, you were um… talking to people?

Kate: And I was charming?

L: Well, you were talking to them.

Kate: Not what I asked.

L: I'm not around you that often!

Kate: If we were around each other anymore often, you'd be living here.

L: Whatever, Holt. You're charming.

Kate: Lies.

Planning and Dating

I'm finding that event planning and dating in Los Angeles are remarkably similar. In both situations, there is so much going on in the city that it's difficult to get anyone's attention in a positive way. Of course, it's still easy to get attention in a negative way, but that's rarely what you really want (unless you are a reality star, of course).

In the dating world, we keep getting sent to the internet. Everyone suggests that you try online dating. For event planning, everyone suggests Twitter or Facebook. But when you have a thousand followers, are they really paying attention to you, or are they just trying to get their numbers up? It's the same with dating, really. Do people head online to find people serious about relationships, or are they looking to get their "score" numbers over 100 (oh, Charlie Runkle…)?

Picture yourself as a young entrepreneur or philanthropist in Los Angeles. You have an event. What do you do? Where do you go? In a city of millions of distractions, how do you get noticed?

Picture yourself as a single, shy female over a certain age in Los Angeles. What do you do? Where do you go?

And if they end up being the same answer, I think I should get my own dating column or advice show on OWN.

Well, technically, I think we can all agree that this should happen anyway.

Walk on the Wild Side

This weekend I went to a club in Santa Ana to hear a rock band called Three Thirteen.

Half of you reading that sentence are thinking, "Yeah, so?"

Half of you reading this are saying, "Bullshit, you would never go to a club and certainly not all the way out in Santa Ana—prove it." Ok… maybe more than half of you. I texted Pen, and she assumed my phone had been stolen. Danielle insisted that I tweet pictures immediately. I'm pretty sure the earth shifted on its axis. So, if you felt that, I probably caused it.

The easy explanation is that my friend B's husband Randy is the lead singer and plays guitar in the band. It was the first time this particular band had ever played, and despite knowing them for years, I had never managed to get out and see him play when he was with other bands. Apparently, the key to getting me to do anything is to send me an invite text at the exact moment I'm feeling slightly adventurous. Also, I didn't really know where Santa Ana was.

What can I say? I like to keep you people guessing.

Believe it or not, I had a lot of fun. I did hang out in the pit taking pictures (in order to dissuade strangers from talking to me, naturally) and stood in the section informally designated as "for older people who aren't dressed for this club, and don't know what to do." This was opposed to the front portion by the stage where people were rocking out and appropriately eye-linered.

Is this a new club-going phase for me? Oh, sure. That's a given. I plan on being out every night. I've hired a stylist, and I'm now ready for every occasion.

Or

Most of the time, I'll still be asleep by 9:00pm.

But the next time you see me tweeting: "I can't hear you--I'm tweeting from a mosh pit" you should probably go with it.

Kate

Eagerly awaiting our foray into Club 1984 and roller disco!

Mitch Pileggi Q&A Charity Event

If you guys are going to be in the LA area, you have to come out and see this guy! He has been in everything-- from the legendary Skinner role in The X-Files to a much debated recurring role on Supernatural to a guest star on Castle this year (that had a twist that was hilarious). Of special interest to me is that he appears to have radically changed careers to become an actor. I'm always fascinated to hear how other people have come to the decision to take that leap.

So come out to the event and see Mitch (and me!).

Tickets: http://www.ibginc.org/conversationseries

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IBG Welcomes Actor Mitch Pileggi

Summary: Actor Mitch Pileggi (Supernatural, The X-Files, Stargate Atlantis and Sons of Anarchy) answers fan questions about process, performance and his vibrant career on May 22nd in Beverly Hills.

IBG Inc is proud to announce that television favorite, Mitch Pileggi, has signed on to be the guest speaker in the new “A Conversation With” series thrown by the Los Angeles 501c3. The hour-long conversation with Pileggi will take place in Beverly Hills in the afternoon of May 22nd.

The “A Conversation With” series is designed to bring together fans and some of the most successful producers, directors, writers, and actors working today. The exclusive event will consist of both moderated discussion and open-floor questions in an intimate setting.

A limited number of tickets are available for sale leading up to the day of the event through IBG Inc’s official website, http://www.ibginc.org/conversationseries.
Television audiences know Mitch Pileggi best for his performances as FBI Assistant Director Walter Skinner on the long-running hit series The X-Files. He parlayed a guest-starring appearance in its first season into a recurring role and finally a series regular position in the show's third year. Pileggi earned three Screen Actors Guild Award nominations in a row as part of the acclaimed ensemble. Pileggi also played the character in the 1998 X-Files film and, six years after the show's end, reprised the character in the film The X-Files: I Want to Believe.

Pileggi’s recent work includes playing Sam and Dean Winchester's maternal grandfather, Samuel Campbell in the TV series Supernatural, the recurring role of Larry Jennings in Grey's Anatomy and Ernest Darby, the head of the Nordics Motorcycle Club in the Sons of Anarchy, as well as Dan Burroughs in Medium. He also played the recurring role of character Colonel Steven Caldwell, Commander of the Earth Battlecruiser, Daedalus, in the second and subsequent seasons of the television series Stargate Atlantis.

His varied movie roles include the Spanish production of Río abajo (On the Line) with David Carradine and the lead in Wes Craven's Shocker, as well as performances in Paul Verhoeven's Basic Instinct, Takedown, Three O'Clock High, the crime thriller Gun Shy, opposite Liam Neeson and Sandra Bullock, HBO’s Recount, Flash of Genius with Greg Kinnear, Mega Cyclone and Man in the Chair. Pileggi starred in the TV show Tarzan and co-starring with Barbara Hershey and Oliver Hudson in The Mountain. Among his numerous guest-starring appearances are Castle, Human Target, Brothers & Sisters, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Day Break, Boston Legal, Cold Case, Reaper, The Batman, That '70s Show, Criminal Minds and Law & Order: Special Victims Unit.

Founded in late 2008, IBG Inc (http://www.ibginc.org) established a non-profit focusing on utilizing the power of philanthropy through the arts to benefit a broad range of charities worldwide. We act as a “fundraiser facilitator” for underfunded, under publicized, and start-up charities that would otherwise struggle with the logistics and costs associated with event fundraising. This work has taken on a critical importance as the economy has been slow to recover, and we find ourselves with increasingly frequent requests for assistance.

1:40AM

It's 1:40AM, and I am awake. No, awake doesn't quite cover it. There is none of that sleepy quality where I hug the pillow tight, burrow further into the covers and know that additional slumber is not out of my reach.

This is more of a jarring awareness that my body has decided enough is enough. I have a sneaking suspicion that my mind never shut down—too many plans to make, details to settle… a life to get.

You'll be pleased to know that I didn't give in to this stress-induced insomnia lightly. Never! I fought it. Fan on. Fan off. Right side. Left side. Drowsing on my back. When that failed, I gave myself a very stern lecture: "Go to sleep! You have work in the morning." You know, three weeks ago that would have done the trick.

Instead, here I sit: Zone bar in hand, water and a laptop at the ready. No doubt brilliance is about to sweep forth to dazzle each and every one of you. Once that is finished, I will be offered my own television show, book deal, film gig and the deed to a small island to finally call my own. Naturally, once I am firmly ensconced in my new state-of-the-art abode, you might have some trouble finding me as the island will move [though I will leave a key map for the wine tasting club and the 80s mini-series watchers (everybody dies, Meggie)]. But no matter—I will have left my positive mark on the world, and will occasionally send off additional material when the changing tide inspires me.

This is my current plan.

Yep. That's what is going to happen.

Any minute now.

Any time at all.

Any…

That Didn’t Take Long

It takes precisely 15 days to lose all track of what day it is and to stop registering the passage of time. I know this because this morning, it took me nearly 10 minutes to suss out what day it is… and I don't mean the date. Without my daily, highly regimented schedule, I've fallen into an "every day is Saturday" mode. Tricky because, of course, other people work on weekdays, and if I need to get something done, I should probably do it when they are around. Still, law of averages should be on my side.

This is not to suggest that the crazy panic of needing to do something has left the back of my brain. No, that is still popping up at moments. It's that insidious feeling that I've forgotten something, or that something is looming. Both could be true, but I'm hoping they aren't. Perhaps it's just the consternation that happens when after a very long time, I don't have a paycheck being direct deposited anymore. Clearly, it throws off the balance of even sane people—of which, I might be less and less of one every day.

Luckily, my focus was on when Sunday rolled around because I finally got to see the long-awaited God of Carnage downtown at the Ahmanson. I wasn't going to go because there were big May Day rallies/protests planned for that area, and that sounded far from appealing. I had nearly given up on the idea of going entirely, when I decided to check sigalert.com just to be safe (God bless the people who put traffic indicators up on a website). Much to my surprise, the freeways looked empty—hardly a normal phenomenon in LA. So, despite having less than 20 minutes to get ready, I dashed off.

If you are thinking about going to see God of Carnage, do it! It's very funny… in all the wrong ways (making it hilarious and brutal at the same time). It is not for children. The entire cast (Jeff Daniels, Hope Davis, Marcia Gay Harden and James Gandolfini) were really "on" for the Sunday performance, and the audience went crazy for it. Here's my tip: you don't need front orchestra seats for this show, so if you don't have the money for the close seats, don't worry about it. This plays to the back rows. I can't tell you my last thought when leaving the theater (spoilers), but if you email me, I'll share.